After nearly three decades together, I’ve learned that marriage isn’t made of grand declarations or perfect moments. It’s built in the quiet, funny, flawed, and tender corners of daily life. So, here’s an A-to-Z love letter to everything marriage has taught me — with one bonus truth at the end.

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27 Things I’ve Learned from 27 Years of Marriage

A – Apologies are magic

Even when you’re not sure who’s right, a genuine “I’m sorry” can soften any and every standoff.
🪞 Gift idea: A couple’s journal or a small whiteboard for loving notes (or apologies).

B – Be kind

Even on the grumpy days.
📚 Read: How to Be an Adult in Relationships by David Richo.

C – Communication isn’t just talking

It’s also decoding sighs, shoulder shrugs, eyerolls, and you know, that one particular way they say, “fine.”
🎁 Gift: Conversation card decks like The And, Couple’s Edition – Tales , or Love Lingual to keep the talks going, or a book like Questions for Couples Journal. And if you love traveling, then use this journal to keep the conversation flowing even more, or maybe at the end of each day to capture the best moments.

D – Dishes multiply

No, seriously. Check the sink. I swear we only used two cups. (and this seems like a daily event in my home, even with just the two of us at home using dishes)
🧼 Gift: Matching quirky mugs or fun dish towels.

E – Everyone has strengths

Even if one of us forgets where the keys are and the car is parked (a lot!)
🔑 Gift idea: A key tracker – one for both of you (to be fair!) Practical, but filled with love.

F – Forgive fast

Holding onto grumpy feelings only weighs you down. I know that by experience, and when we ‘Let it go,’ it makes it all so much better!
⏳ Symbolic and fun gift idea: A mini sand timer—to remind you both to let things go.

G – Giggles matter

If you can still make each other laugh after a quarter century, you’re doing it right, so keep doing it!
📚 Gift: A joke journal or a photo book of goofy memories.

H – Hobbies don’t have to match

One of you might love long walks. The other might love not going. That’s balance. And this one is an example from our home, for he loves long walks, no matter the weather outside, while I prefer to stay cosy, and maybe dance it away (which he will stay away from!)
🎁 Gift: His & hers (or ours & ours) hobby kits. For example: a drawing set + walking socks.

I – “I told you so” has a time and place

Marriage teaches you when to speak and when to just… raise an eyebrow. Lesson learned: ‘I told you so’ has a time and place. And it’s never now. Instead of being right, be kind (see kindness below). Or better yet—be quietly smug with a wink (I do this often)
💌 Idea: A few no-“I told you so” coupons:) redeemable for – well, anything you wish

J – Joy sneaks in

In burnt toast breakfasts (this has happened a few times for me, and so I can vouch for the joy that sneaks in here), in long drives (even when the destination seems farther than we thought it was), in jokes that make no sense, in sweet (and bittersweet) memories that pop up at random moments.
📷 Gift: A digital photo frame that cycles through the chaos and the cute. I got this one as a gift for my mil and she loves it! Now I am going to get one for us as well.

K – Kindness is underrated

A cup of tea just the way they like it? That’s five love poems, easy (I had to bring a poem reference somewhere!) Or washing those dishes without being asked! Ten poems right there!
☕ Gift: A custom tea blend or mugs with each other’s initials.

L – Laundry never ends

Seriously, it is like a continuous cycle (no matter whether it is just one of us or four in the household). But you know, it folds better and of course, faster, when you do it together.
🎁 Gift: This sign that reminds us that love, like laundry, is endless!

M – Memory is selective

We choose to remember the good stuff, the growth, and how we got here.
📚 Gift: A memory shadow box to add the good stuff and more, and keep it in a visible place.

N – Never go to bed angry.

Or at least promise to try.
🎁 Gift: A anger-dispeller jar. Fill a small jar with folded notes: “Say one nice thing before sleep”/”Give a bedtime hug”/etc. Use it on those tough days.

O – Opinions will clash

That’s fine. Just don’t let the clash escalate into a crash.
📚 Read: “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” by John Gottman.

P – Patience isn’t passive

It’s active and intentional – almost a superhero trait! I used to have it in
🎁 Gift: A puzzle for two—practice patience and teamwork (and snack breaks).

Q – Quirks become comforts

That weird snore? That odd hummed tune? Sounds like home now. And another thing I can say is true – when I was all alone for a few weeks due to an unplanned trip for my DH (the kids are at college), I missed all those quirks and familiar sounds so much that I found it difficult to fall asleep!
💤 Gift: A cozy wearable blanket embroidered with a funny inside joke or nickname – one for each of you to avoid those inevitable blanket wars.

R – Remember the good

Not every moment will be a highlight reel—but over time, you learn what to hold onto. The good stuff? You frame it, quote it, and replay it often. The awkward, weird, or ridiculous stuff? That becomes legend. You laugh about the burnt toast, the lost keys (and being lost), the towed cars, the myriad other disasters—and those laughs make it all just as wonderful as the best days. Because love isn’t just built on perfect memories. It’s also built on bloopers – and boy, do we have many!!

📚 Gift: A “Our Love Story” fill-in book or anniversary memory journal.

S – Silence isn’t bad

Sometimes the best conversations are the ones you don’t need to have. We’ve learned that sitting side by side, doing our own chores or work, or sipping tea, is sometimes the best kind of ‘talk’ we’ll have all day, and need as well.
🎧 Gift: A shared playlist and noise-cancelling headphones—because…

T – Teamwork wins

Even when you both hate assembling IKEA furniture, for it’s all about working with each other—not just furniture, but life and its many parts.
🛠️ Gift: Matching aprons for cooking or a toolbox for the two of you, or… the ideas are endless.

U – Understanding grows

U is for understanding—not the loud, ‘I get it!’ kind, but the quiet, slow-growing kind – the one —in shared glances, in how you pass the salt, in how you sit with each other through a bad day without needing to fix it. It takes time, patience, and presence. But once it’s there? It softens everything.
📚 Read: Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson.

V – Value the small stuff

The little moments—the quick “good morning” smile, the unexpected hug, the text that says “thinking of you”—they add up. It’s not always the grand gestures that keep a relationship strong, but those tiny, everyday treasures. Celebrate the small—because that’s where the heart lives
🍪 Gift: A ‘jar of little moments’ to intentionally build them. You could use that bedside jar (never go to bed angry) or have another pretty jar filled with small notes or prompts to inspire those tiny moments, like Give a 10-second hug/Smile at each other for 30 seconds without saying a word/Hold hands while watching TV or relaxing/Take a quick walk together—even just around the block/Bring home a little treat or snack “just because”, and so on.

W – We before me

Marriage is a team effort. When you shift from “me” to “we,” you realize that together, even the biggest goals feel lighter — and the small victories feel sweeter. It’s about sharing hopes, facing challenges, and celebrating wins together.
🎁 Gift: A framed vow or shared vision board print.

X – X-ray vision is real

You know what they’re thinking just by a glance. You even see through their excuses. Years of marriage give you a special kind of superpower: the ability to read your partner like a book—their moods, their thoughts, even the sneaky little excuses they try to sneak past you! It’s like you’ve developed a secret language, a look, a vibe that says, “Yep, I got you.” And honestly, I think we’ve kind of mastered it.
On a side note, my kids have always believed I have X-ray vision, eyes on the back of my head, super hearing, and some weird sixth sense when it comes to our family.
🕶️ Read: And if you need some help, then read What Every BODY is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent’s Guide to Speed-Reading People by Joe Navarro and Marvin Karlins:)

Y – You matter

Every day, in every way. That isit.
🎁 Gift: A handwritten letter reminding them exactly why.

Z – Zest makes it better

Add a little fun, even to chores! Zest is the secret ingredient that turns chores from ‘ugh’ to ‘yay!’ When you add a little fun, laughter, and even a dance break, everything feels lighter. Because life (and marriage) is best when it’s sprinkled with joy and silliness!
🎉 Gift: Read Zest: How to Squeeze the Max out of Life or make a set of silly chore coupons to use when the need, or the mood, strikes.

💫 Bonus Lesson: Love Grows

It doesn’t stay the same—it gets deeper, kinder, and sometimes sillier over time. It ranges from grand gestures to split desserts and “I warmed up your side of the bed.”

🎁 Gift idea: This picture frame with the words Grow Old Along With Me The Best Is Yet To Be, and a photo of the two of you ready within.

And Now, the End of This Post

Dear reader, what about you? What ideas do you have?